'Twas a Night Around Christmas

Twas' a night around Christmas,
And I new it was near,
We spent time with our friends,
And consumed lots of beer.

My dress pants I hung,
From the back of my chair,
Just in case I were to
wake-up cold and bare.

The children fell asleep,
So I put them in bed,
And the room started spinning,
Around in my head.

Mama was not happy,
And I tripped on the cat,
It would probably be better,
If I just took a nap.

When on the T.V.
There was a curious sight,
I had completely forgotten,
There was a bowl game tonight!

Away to the cooler,
I flew like a flash,
Threw open the door,
And inspected my stash.

The glow of the light,
On an icy green bottle,
I reached for another,
And put down the throttle.

And what to my dizzying
Eyes should appear,
But my beautiful bride,
Asking "Whatcha doing, dear?"

With a bit of thinking,
And it wasn't real quick,
I told her "Just one more,
so I don't get too sick."

More rapid than gunfire,
Those daggers they came.
She cursed and she shouted,
And called me bad names.

"You lazy, you drunkard!"
"You moron, you lush!"
I new by her tone,
My chances weren't much.

Go drink your beer,
And watch your football,
But when you come to bed,
You'll get nothing at all.

So up the stairs she went,
and stomped in a huff,
Started slamming doors,
And throwing her stuff.

Then, in a moment,
Of sober awareness,
I figured I'd try,
But should I even dare this?

I can finish my beer,
And watch the rest of the half,
Giving her just enough
Time for her bath.

As opened my beer,
And then turned around,
I stumbled and I fell,
And my beer hit the ground.

Spilling that gold,
All over the floor,
I have to clean this up,
How could I sneak one more?

So I mopped up my foam,
And then slunk up the stairs,
I'll miss the whole game,
and she won't even care.

I will get mine tomorrow,
And watch the double-header,
I will drink a few more,
and behave a lot better.

So I'll be a good husband,
the kind she can keep,
and when she's ready for bed,
I will be sound asleep.