Women - Dating Red Flag #5

The idea of 'not judging' has been en vogue for far too long, I think. That being said, judging someone who plays a serious role in your life need not be an ugly or nasty thing; in fact, it's healthy and should be an objective process. I'd be skeptical of a person who did not judge those in her life.

What seems to be even more en vogue than "I don't judge" is the craving among adults (for the sake of Pete!) for drama in their love relationships (just think about the popularity the word now has). A person needs to focus, however, on matters of the self before they can disentangle themselves from that exhausting nonsense. But hey, I'm not judging.

Look, I'm no expert in the matters of love and relationships, outside of making it priority to learn from my failures. Guess that's the school of hard knocks, as they say. Here is a mistake I've made more than once.

Some of us are not critical of a man's choice of career, or job. Many of us feel that if he has a steady job, and maintains it, then great. There are so many other attributes that we are looking for in a mate, and many that are much more important. Now, other women might argue this, and that's okay too. People often think that it is important to pair up with someone in your own socioeconomic class, or group.

We all should realize the problem, however, when a man loathes his job yet has no ambition to find something new or further his education to enable him to find something new. He's just going to keep the same job, and come home every night in a very foul mood - either complaining about the job or withdrawing entirely.

It cannot be denied, even if it is a generalization unfair to the male sex, that a man's job is highly associated with his identity. That might very well be because of the generalization of "what you do is what you are." I'm not saying that women don't experience this too, but socially, and traditionally (be it a good or bad thing) it is perceived differently. But I digress, because we aren't really dealing with that in this piece.