2008 New Year's Resolution: Become a Contestant on Survivor

After watching other folks eat foods that no human being should consume and stab each other in the back for the last 7 years, I want to be a contestant on "Survivor" in 2008.

"Survivor" Resolution Step No.1: Read the Application

I downloaded the 17-page "Survivor" application and read it over breakfast on Christmas Morning. A large portion of the document outlines the selection and interview processes, which start by choosing 800 people from the tens of thousands of applications that CBS receives . The lucky 800 have to travel at their own expense to the closest city where interviews are being held; for me, that would be Chicago, Illinois.

The second cut reduces the 800 hopefuls down to 48 people and I have to be willing to spend about two weeks in Los Angeles for a more rigorous mental and physical screening if selected. That burns up almost all my vacation time for 2008, but it would be worth it.

"Survivor" Resolution Step No.2: Update my Passport

"Survivor" typically takes place in exotic locations, so contestants need a current U.S. Passport by the time they board the plane to wherever producer Mark Burnett wants to send the 16 players. The passport application process takes several weeks, so I need to head over to the Post Office to renew my documents as soon as possible. Hopefully, the photo I use this time will not look as goofy as it did in 1989, the last time I updated my Passport.

"Survivor" Resolution Step No.3: Learn to Swim

Though I reached the age of 45 without knowing how to swim, lots of "Survivor" challenges have involved deep bodies of water. I take comfort in the fact the Rodger Bingham, a contestant on "Survivor: The Australian Outback," learned how to swim before filming began and Gervase Peterson from the original "Survivor" said he couldn't swim on camera. Both men made it pretty far in the competition before being voted out of their tribes.

"Survivor" Resolution Step No.4: Drop the Weight