Britney Spears' 2008 New Year's Resolutions

There are more lists than I can count with suggestions for 2008 New Year's resolutions for the one...the only...Britney Spears. Yes, this is another one. Most New Year's resolutions benefit the person making the resolution. Honestly, Britney Spears is beyond help at this point so these suggestions will help those around her.

10. Take a driving class. Seriously, how old are you now? If you haven't figured out how to drive (and park) on your own, then go ahead and suck it up and admit you need help. Pay someone and take a course. The cars and pedestrians of the world will thank you.

9. Don't try to be your own beautician. You looked horrid bald. There is a phrase that states bald is beautiful; not for you hon. You have an odd shaped head and the contrast from the pale skin and the dark hair stubs left made you look quite frightening.

8. No more live performances. You can perform but the ability to edit clips together is important for you now. Your listless performance at the MTV Video Music Awards this year was almost as frightening as your bald head. You can keep the videos coming - they are a testament to the superb producing capabilities of those you hire.

7. Order a chastity belt. You don't need any more children to neglect. There's really not much more I can say on the topic; your actions speak much louder than my words.

6. Stay away from umbrellas. I can understand your frustration with the paparazzi but taking it out on a poor, helpless umbrella is just selfish. Next time use your hands or feet - the pain you feel might help knock a bit of sense into you.

5. Stop blaming the paparazzi for everything. Every time you bump a car, run over a person, drive at night with sunglasses on while the kids are in your car, etc you blame the paparazzi. Take a little responsibility in your life and admit that you actually do make mistakes.

4. Stay home with the kids. I'm all for taking the kids out for an afternoon of fun but you've proven time and time again that you just do not have the mental smarts to multi-task. Yes, I understand that young children take a lot of focus and attention. Stay home with them, for their safety's sake.