Loopy Planetary Activity

We can't ever get it quite right, can we? We have a certain image in our heads of what a good relationship should look like, and when it doesn't seem to match up, we tend toward a measure of catastrophic thinking that can sometimes do a lot of damage. I always catch myself doing that in certain situations--thinking that it shouldn't be this way, or that I always pictured something different in my head, and I can only attribute that to one particular fear. My fear is due to always believing this time was different and that I finally found him--only to be completely wrong. I worry that I will forever be unable to recognize The One , and will keep thinking the wrong people are him.

So I started to wonder why I thought this way, why I (probably like so many other people) have this particular problem. I figured it probably had a lot to do with trying to place a person in one's preconceived mold. By doing this, it took the wind out of my motivation to really work at it like I did the first time. Man, I worked so goddamn hard on that relationship, I bought a Dr. Phil book. And when it didn't turn out the way I always pictured it would, it made me considerably question a person's compatibility when I felt myself starting to get to that mentality again. That mentality consisting of my wondering whether this was it or not--is he my husband?

So lately, poor Tom has been the victim of my never ceasing mind's questions. However, it is not as bad as it has been. There are too many things that are right between us for me to start dwelling on the things that don't fit so well. And there are things like this with every couple on Earth. Certain things just clash. My problem is starting to think that these ultimately minor differences are a sign of the destruction that's to come. I am fully aware that this can easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy, and I'm starting to see exactly how that works.