Must Christians Stay in Abusive Marriages?

What About Physical Abuse? What Does The Bible Say About It?

The Bible says in Malachi 2:16 (AMP), "For the Lord, the God of Israel, says: I hate divorce and marital separation and him who covers his garment [his wife] with violence. Therefore keep a watch upon your spirit [that it may be controlled by My Spirit], that you deal not treacherously and faithlessly [with your marriage mate]."

In the same Scripture in which God says He hates divorce, He says He hates a man who covers his wife with violence. The two sentences are connected by the conjunction, "and." God hates divorce and a man who abuses his wife.

Many well-meaning Christians tell women who are being abused to stay in the situation. They tell them to pray, to be meek and mild so their husbands won't be so mad. They cite the Scripture that says that the believing wife can change her husband by being meek (I Peter 3:1, 4).

Abuse is not about the person being abused. It is about gaining control and power.

For the first five years of my life, I grew up in a physically abusive home. My father used to beat up my mother. As I tried to sleep, I heard the raised voices, screaming demeaning, derogatory statements. I even remember witnessing one of these incidents at age three.

After the first five years, the physical abuse stopped almost overnight. Instead he turned his anger on the cars he tried to fix, doors and inanimate objects.

Then when he wanted to control us, he gave us a disapproving look, followed by the threat of violence. The physical abuse may have stopped, but the emotional and mental blackmail continued. We remained frightened of him.

Although my mother and I struggled after the divorce, I know divorce was our best option for a better future. My father is manic depressive and refuses to get help. It was unsafe for us to live in that environment.

God doesn't expect women, or men who are being abused by their wives, to stay in an abusive situation. If the violence persists, these people are at risk of being murdered the longer they stay.