Resolve to Solve: Tips for Talking Through the Problems

Conflict is inevitable. We are all humans with our own opinions, ideas, and beliefs. Learning to handle conflict is an earmark of maturity. Make a resolution now to learn to talk through disagreements and difficulties in order to reach viable solutions. No more storming off mad or screaming until you forgot what started the argument in the first place.

Choose your battles. Some people are willing to argue about any and everything. Don't indulge their need for conflict. That's a personal problem. You don't have to be right all the time. Even if you are right, you don't have to rub the other person's nose in it. Some battles just aren't worth fighting. Choose battles that have meaning or substance.

If your toes are easily stepped on, get a pair of steal-toe boots. You can't take everything personally. Frankly, if you do, you are being self-centered. Most of the time the other person or persons are thinking about their own perspective and stake in the battle. Remember, it's not about you. Stick to the issues and you will find you have fewer issues about which you disagree.

Don't play the blame game. When there is a problem, there is a problem. At the point it has become an issue it is a mute point how the problem started, or who started the problem. Placing blame only puts others on the defensive, which hinders open, honest conversation. Accepting blame, when you are not fully to blame, ameliorates responsibility for the other party.

Approach the problem without blaming it on each other, or denying the problem exists.

Listen, don't assume. I'm sure I need not go into the definition of an assumption. The problem is, often we go into a discussion or argument convinced that we know the whole story, or we know the stance the other person will take. This takes you into a discussion on the defensive. Give folks a break.

There would be no need for a discussion if you knew everything everyone thought and felt, but you don't. If you don't close your mouth long enough, you never will.