The Heart Remembers (When a Loved One Dies)

It's been two weeks since I took my mother to see her oldest brother who was in the hospital. Since my mom has dementia, I wasn't sure how she would react to seeing her brother in the hospital or even if she would understand that her brother had just had two brain surgeries and had miraculously survived two critical surgeries to his brain. I watched as my mom stared at her brother's head, the blood lines marking the surgeon's trail. I watched my mom's face and eyes as she tried to make sense of it all. She didn't say much that day, except the usual "hi" upon entering the room and the "pretty good" answer when asked how she was doing. I've had to come to terms with her inability to carry a conversation any further than this.

So I chatted with my uncle that day, gladly elevating the headrest of his hospital bed so he could see us well and later lowering it back down when he didn't feel so well when we were ready to leave. I felt good that I had taken her to see him and prayed that she would remember the visit. Our visit was pleasant and I didn't expect any input into the conversation from my mother, except for the usual "goodbye" when we were leaving. But much to my surprise, after ten minutes or so of looking at her brother, with her eyes mirroring a reflection of the pain that my uncle must have been feeling, my mother spoke up and asked him, "Does it hurt?" It's as if she felt every ounce of pain that must have been in my uncle's body that day. I realized then and there that my mom remembered something. It was going to be a good day, I thought. She remembered that blood-scarred incisions on a head signify pain; that the man in the bed was her older brother, with whom she had 77 years of life history; that we were in a hospital, where people are hurting and she remembered to express her concern with her question.

I was so excited and grateful for this good day. My mom didn't say anything else except for the "goodbye" as we were leaving, but I felt as if she was present and understood that her brother was there, that he was expected to be released to a nursing home in a few days and that he survived some very serious surgeries. Yes, it was a good day.