What Do Your Knickers Reveal About You?

'These have got to go!' My partner says in despair as he holds up a pair of my grey baggies.

'But they're so comfortable,' I retort with equal emotion.

The truth is that I wear my bloomers with pride because they are a symbol of our emotional security. Our relationship is so solid and settled that I have long stopped considering the state of my underwear. My knickers are randomly grabbed from my drawer, in between gulps of coffee, in the morning. In the scheme of things underwear has to be right at the bottom of my list of priorities.

How long have you been wearing your knickers? Can you remember the last time you treated yourself to a sexy thong or, like me, do you rely on ten year old dingies to keep you warm in the winter?

My friend Suzy, who has mastered the art of nailing men, has a Saturday night cupboard. Opening that cupboard is like walking into an Ann Summers shop. It contains the most beautiful silkies and frillies ever seen. She wears the skimpiest sexies ever known to man because she says that this boosts her confidence. Underwear has become her make-up and she spends at least half her salary on new items.

Most of us are very careful about our underwear at the start of relationships, just as we are careful about suppressing our farts and not picking our noses. We are painstakingly cultivating an image of perfection as we aim to secure our prey. It becomes incredibly important to have the sane lace on our knickers and bras. This fussiness takes place around the same time that we know that we would simply die if he saw us without layers of foundation. We find his jokes funnier than a night at the comedy store and we are amazed by the skill of his parking. We find him more knowledgeable than the Internet and coincidentally share all of his hobbies.