What's Wrong with Gravitons

Why This Staple of the Standard Model is Rubbish

Graviton Theory is an aspect of Quantum Theory created by the minds of humans to plug a hole in the Standard Model. In short, they are the supposed particles that transmit gravitational force between massive bodies, very much like photons transmit electromagnetic information.

Though many would argue that just because Gravitons have not yet been detected, it doesn't mean they don't exist (and, in fact, many would argue that since they are a critical part of String Theory, they must exist - because, Lord knows, Sting Theory is infallible), one must point out the obvious error in this optimism: Gravitons cannot exist in reality, because they would represent a paradox, and violate the Law of Non-Contradiction.

First, saying that a thing might exist simply because we aren't yet certain it doesn't is not valid science. The same could be said of the Tooth Fairy. Go ahead - prove there's no Tooth Fairy. Unlike Gravitons, there is evidence for a Tooth Fairy; all those quarters!

More importantly, though, Gravitons just don't work. Consider a Black Hole. If Graviton Theory is correct, then the Black Hole, like everything else in the universe, must be emitting an infinite amount of energy via Gravitons in order to maintain its gravitational influence on the cosmos.

Ironically, one of the main reasons Quantum Theory exists at all today is because of an identical problem with infinite energy emission. In the old days, before 'quanta', from which Quantum Theory takes its name, light was believed to be emitted in infinite amounts. Max Plank, Einstein, and others found the notion absurd, and rightly so - only a body with an infinite temperature could emit an infinite amount of electromagnetic energy (light). Likewise, only a body of infinite gravity can possibly emit an infinite amount of Gravitons, and infinite gravity requires infinite mass.

From the tiny Electron to the super-massive Black Holes at the hearts of galaxies, no single thing in this universe has an infinite mass. That small paradox is just one minor part of the larger picture, however.