Ethereal Labor Dispute Puts Jesus Christ at Back of Breadline, God's Future Uncertain

LEVI'S TAVERN, Heaven - A surprising turn of events in the labor battle between God and the Merovingian Chapter of the Prophetic Workers' Union has led to a series of layoffs leaving almost 500 million former employees homeless and out of work. The Union primarily represented prophets specifically ordained by God Himself who, due to an obscure loophole in Catholic Dogma, was able to skirt standing labor laws and strip the union of its license. Workers had been in an uproar prior to being laid off over the increasing demand for religious guidance on earth and at least four other planets, which eventually led to salary disputes. Worker complaints included God's failure to compensate prophets for work-related travel and His deletion of the Crucifixion Clause that was once mandatory in all employee insurance policies. The clause specifically stated that any prophet knowingly crucified for dissemination of religious ideas on any planet would be resurrected on the third day after his/her death. 

When asked about His decision to cut employee benefits, God replied, "We really don't have the sort of capital to run around raising people from the dead. If you think about it, it's not cost effective. I wouldn't ask my employer to do it, and quite frankly, I'm a little disgusted with the lack of loyalty that seems inherent in my workforce. I hereby request the Prophetic Workers' Union step down so that we can end this war of attrition. You try to find a god that gives his prophets legal rights to prostitutes and Jimson Weed, and I'll [expletive deleted] a goat in the [expletive deleted]." 

St. Peter took the bet, and we have no word yet as to the result.