Coping with Blending Families

When my husband and I got married, we each had two children from previous marriages.  Things were a bit rocky up front.  His children are older than mine, so they weren't willing to accept me and my two much younger children "invading" their space.  Before long, I was pregnant, and we had to find a way to come together as a family.  I won't say it was easy, but it had to be done.  Whether any of the children liked it or not, we were going to be a family.  We sat the children down prior to the marriage, and explained exactly what was going to happen.  Everyone seemed okay with that, until the reality set in.  It's one thing to try to prepare children for up-coming nuptuals, but quite another to expect it to go smoothly, and without bumps in the road.  

When dealing with children, you must think like one.  Put yourself in their place.  How would you have felt in the same situation?  If you ever were in that situation, then recall what your feelings and concerns were.  Never underestimate a child and his or her ability to grasp even a complex situation.  Children are far brighter than we give them credit for being.  Focus on the good points of blending the two families.  It's best not to sugar-coat and assure them that all will be lovely with the world once the wedding is over.  Let the children know we will all be adjusting together, they aren't alone.  

I adopted an "open door" method for concerns, or issues early on.  That way no one feels that they have to keep their feelings bottled up.  This open door policy is much like one used in the workplace.  No one will be punished for expressing concerns, hurts, or anger.  Once the problem is laid out on the table, then we sit down and discuss how to remedy the situation.  Usually, the fix is simple, but other times it's not so easy.  With blended families, especially if there are several children involved, privacy issues are frequent.