Learning to Be Assertive Despite the Fatigue of Illness

I had just received the third pink slip in two weeks from the lab that said my payment was passed due. Over three times I had called and my insurance company had assured me that the lab work was covered and that they would mail out a check that afternoon. This time, when I finally got a representative on the telephone, I was polite but firm. I said that I wanted the problem taken care of immediately, and I wrote down her name and the supervisor's name. It was time to get even more assertive.

Has assertiveness gotten a bad rap, however, among the chronically ill? Is it assumed that we won't have the energy or stamina to fight all of the battles that we will face? When we do talk to someone in customer service, we are rarely taken absolutely seriously. After all, isn't it just the drugs that make us impatient and nit-picky about all of this insurance stuff? Has anyone ever brushed off your assertiveness simply by assuming, "She doesn't have anything else to think about all day, so no wonder she's upset!"? Or "She's just taking her frustrations out on me because she has a chronic illness."

When you imagine an assertive person, what comes to mind? Webster's Dictionary says that assertiveness is "positive; affirming confidently; affirmative." Too often we confuse assertiveness with aggression which is defined as "making assaults and unjustly attacking." Most of us have had moments when we have slid into an aggressive mode, but assertiveness is based on one's ability to confidently step forward. Rather than becoming aggressive, I believe that the chronically ill often become burnt out on fighting and we simply avoid any conflict. Who has the energy to fight for our rights? Next time a situation arises where you may need to be a bit assertive, here are some things in which to remember.

[1] I have the right to say no without feeling guilty.