I Just Rolled into New Hampshire and Boy Are My Ribs Sore

The eyes of the world will be focusing on the Granite State. New Hampshire will be center stage this week as the first true primary in the nation takes place on January 8, 2008. Many unanswered questions should be resolved shortly after the last polling precinct closes its doors in the early evening hours. A muddled nomination picture should become a lot clearer that evening after the networks begin declaring the winners and losers. In anticipation of the results, I'll try to clarify the ramifications of who must win, who should win and ultimately who will win.

First, for the republican party. Right now the betting favorite is John McCain. The septigenarian senator who could easily pass for an octogenarian or perhaps even a nonagenarian is the current front runner. I will readily admit this guy's appeal is a thoroughly deep shrouded mystery to me. His claim to fame was being captured and tortured in Vietnam more than 40 years ago. I assume the average republican enjoys torture so much, McCain's past makes him extra appealing to the strength through words but not through action crowd. The seventy-one year old Arizonan has been a politician for 25 years now. He spent four years in the U.S House of Representatives and is currently serving his fourth term in the U.S. Senate.

Unlike most republicans, however, McCain actually looks at the world in slightly more than a unidimensional way. He has come out in favor of a more liberal approach to the illegal alien problem, he generally doesn't get on his hands and knees to lick the loins of the bible thumping buffoons who believe this country should be renamed the United States of Jesus and despite his age similarity with former President Ronald Reagan, doesn't use him as an applause prop like most of his fellow candidates. Let's be honest if we can. If McCain were somehow to be elected, he would be past 80 at the conclusion of his second term. I'm not being discriminatory to seniors, but men in their 70's traditionally spend far more time focusing on their pasts then their futures. McCain would much better be suited to becoming President of the Del Boca Vista Condo Board than of the free world.