Marital Architects - Premarital Counseling

The husband and wife are responsible for establishing the success of the home. The effort they put into the relationship is work. Each is responsible for establishing personal and family boundaries. Their interactions determine the tone of the household. It will determine whether the family is close or distant. The behavior of the family is a reflection of the husband and wife.

Boundaries are the rules of the family system. The can be formal or implied. The nature of these boundaries can be clear, rigid, or diffused. Clear boundaries are healthy and flexible. They allow change and growth. Rigid boundaries are firm and inflexible. They do not conform to the needs of the family as it changes. Diffuse boundaries lack structure and consistency.

The husband and wife are the gatekeepers of the family. They are responsible for maintaining safety and distance from outsiders. Some the outsiders are from over-involved family of origin. The magnetic pull of the family can be difficult to resist.

The husband and wife are the leaders of the family and responsible for its growth and development. According to Salvador Minuchin, they are the executive branch of the family. They are at the top of the hierarchy within the family. Essentially, they are the architects and designers of the home. Design implies there is a plan or process. The function and success of the family will occur by accident. It requires planning and time together. The couple must come together and negotiate their differences. These differences are from different backgrounds and experience.

Premarital counseling helps to underscore the differences and establishes a common baseline to build on. It gives the couple a chance to look at and address past baggage and unresolved issues. Those issues may be a result of past relationships or rooted within the family of origin.