Jesus of Nazareth Being Held at Area 51!

The international ecumenical community was reported to be in turmoil following yesterday’s announcement that Jesus of Nazareth had indeed returned to Earth in 1955 but had been held a virtual prisoner since that time at the top secret Air Force/CIA facility known as Area 51.


No word was immediately available on just how the identity of Jesus had been confirmed but, according to sources close to both the Israeli Mossad and the American Central Agency, best selling author Dan Brown was brought in as a consultant and issued an opinion that the man “was indeed Jesus of Nazareth.”


An informal telephone survey conducted by ’s Caca Del Toro news agency reported that Christian clerics and laymen were pleased that “Jesus has returned but not exactly according to schedule.”


The reaction outside the Christian sphere of influence was more restrained, with the Jerusalem Council of Rabbis demanding that a recount of the single vote cast be undertaken immediately while Islamic leaders meeting in Tehran issued a fatwa ordering that Jesus be killed “for the crime of insulting Islam by implying that the Prophet Muhammad was not the true messenger of Allah.”


According to a source within the highest circles of the Israeli Defense Forces, Jesus’ return had been detected by forward observers that had been deployed along the Israeli-Jordanian border in October, 1955 following reports of “unusual” formations of flying objects that were suspected of being a previously unknown type of transport aircraft that may have been furnished to Jordan by Egypt and the Soviet Union.