A Soldier's Thoughts on Becoming a Civilian

I got back from Afghanistan in May 2007 and I officially became a civilian in September 2007. I like to think of myself as a pretty down to earth guy, and I don't let a lot of things get to me. But sometimes I do think that my mind is not completely home yet. I do not suffer from post traumatic stress. I do not wake up late at night screaming. I feel perfectly comfortable in large crowds. But I think that my mind has not completely came to the realization that I am no longer in combat, and I am no longer a soldier. As much as I used to bad mouth the Army, talking about how I cannot wait to get out and be "free" I do miss it dearly. I did things that most people will never do. I saw things that most people will never see. I met some great people and had some great experiences.

It is very hard to come home from something as long as a combat deployment and just fit right in. Most civilians do not understand what it feels like to be away from home, in dangerous situations, and then suddenly be home and safe again. Not all soldiers react the same to coming home. Probably the majority feel a huge sense of relief and happiness at being home. But after a while those feelings can change. Sometimes I wish I was back in Afghanistan. Despite all the danger, missing my family, inconveniences of living in a tent with 15 other guys, I didn't really have to worry about much. I didn't have to drive in traffic to get to work everyday. I didn't have to worry about doing chores around my house or hearing my wife nag at me. My daughter didn't wake me up at 4 am crying. I didn't have to worry about counting every penny in my paycheck because I was so broke. Sometimes the civilian life can seem harder than the military life.