Teen Mothers and Young Parents: The Problem

BTW- I don't agree with the idea that you aren't qualified to address parenting issues simply because you're not a parent. Honestly, I had more of a concern for "stray" children and child welfare issues before becoming a parent. Now, I don't concern myself with other children because I invest and devote all my time in my daughter. You probably see and can contribute more because you're not a parent and you're not preoccupied with that responsibility, and not being a parent doesn't mean you can't be qualified to address such issues. I do write about my views (formula and stroller articles), but I ultimately know my opinions have little impact on busy parents and feel "it's not my place to interfere" with the parenting choices others make.

Yeah, I commented first before realizing there were multiple pages of comments :)

This issue was already addressed with Heather. Read all of the comments.

It's important to consider the family dynamic of waiting until one's late 30s and beyond to have children. I regularly encounter childless individuals who are in their 40s and still "waiting" to have children, and they still have grandparents who are alive. My husband, at 27, hasn't had a grandparent since he was 12. At 29, my dad's been dead for 10 years. There are sacrifices by waiting to have children when you are "too old" just as there are if you have them when you are "too young."

I actually disagree with your opinion that the quality of parenting is dependent on age, and that someone who is older necessarily parents better.

Oh man, I hate head colds. I can deal with stomach viruses and stuff but colds just never leave. I'm usually on here when I'm at work - though I guess I should spend more time working, eh? LOL. So, next time I write an article, I will make sure that I get more speficic - that way people who read my article know exactly what I'm talking about.

Wow, you're on here as much as I am. :) Then again we've all got massive headcolds over here, which means my son is sleeping 80% of the time, and I'm too zonked to do anything but sit and stare. Better this than the TV eh?

Writing an article about the people who are too selfish to have children, those who have them to improve a relationship or trap a husband, as well as the influence of substance abuse or mental illness on a parent's behavior, would be a much better use of your time and energy. I understand your experiences and what you were trying to say a lot better now, and I think what I felt when I read your article was mostly to do with the vagueness of it. It was too generalized and didn't really attack the root of what caused you observed or what angers you. I can see that you have nothing against teen or young parents but against specific types of parents. They are the ones who need to be exposed, and talking about it would probably do you a lot of good. :)

Very few people have a baby so they can feel like they are playing house. Some girls do deliberately get pregnant to trap a husband or improve a relationship. I do know a girl that got pregnant for that reason, and I cannot stand her. She is completely selfish and unprepared, and everytime I hear about her I cringe. Most teen parents though simply made a mistake and have the baby because they don't think adoption or abortion are the right thing to do in their situation. And they are trying their best, in most cases, to make the best of it and be really good parents.

Please don't think that situation the norm. Some people are just not mean to be parents, and you're right that many do have them before they are ready. That is a huge problem, but age is only a minor factor and doesn't increase the probability of abuse. Those people were just assholes. I agree that a lot of young parents are living under the poverty level, but they are no more likely to beat their kids. Substance abuse problems do increase the risk of child abuse and neglect, though, and that was clearly present in this scenario. That is to blame for a lot of the mistakes made by parents, not youth.

Acting as a parent and actually being one are two completely different things. I understand that you care a lot for them. Caring for a child and loving one with your whole heart, being 100% responsible for not only their daily survival but their entire future, having them rely on you for everything and being completely responsible for them is a huge undertaking. I do the same for children that come into my home for daycare, holding them while they nap, feeling sorry when their parents do something ridiculous inasfar as parenting goes, but the relationship I have with them is much different than what I have with my son.

I spent a lot of time with these kids and I still think about them every day. I wish with all my heart I could've taken them with me for a better life. So, like I said, my hat is off to you. I wish every teenage parent would do what you're doing because as much as I seemed like I was just annoyed about kids in general, it breaks my heart to see what people are doing to them. I have nothing against good mothers who happen to be teenagers. I do, however, have nothing but contempt for girls who just want the baby because they think it's going to be like playing house when they were 5.

In the other situation, both children were badly abused and neglected. The little boy more than the girl. Since I was the only one working, I'm the one that clothed them, bathed them, bought them food, bought them clothes, etc. I tried to speak with DYFS, but was told that there was already an open case and they would come out to investigate. Nothing happened. If I told you the full story, you'd be crying as much as I was. Like the time the little boy was sick and his father beat him with a belt because he was crying. He then crawled up into my lap and took a nap for 3 hours while I held him, wrapped in a blanket.

I also feel myself able to give parenting advice because, though I do not have any children of my own, I've been put into situations where I had to act as a parent. In two different situations, I lived with people who had children. In one, the parents were not abusive physically, but they were mentally and emotionally. They also neglected they children on a daily basis. Food stamps paid for alcohol and cigarettes, but not food or diapers. Since I couldn't stand to see it, I was the one who cleaned them, dressed them, fed them, watched them, etc. In fact, the youngest (one was 1 and one was 3) eventually just stopped going to her parents for anything.

I have nothing against truly good teenage mothers. Like I said, I've known a few. My whole point was I'm tired of teenagers who are NOT ready for parenthood having children. If you were truly ready for it and you are a loving mother, then my hat is off to you - honestly - there's no sarcasm in that. I know what it's like to grow up a little more quickly than most. I think a teenage mother who really cracks down and does the right thing is wonderful - I would donate money to such a cause. I think advocating for responsible teenage mothers is great. There should be more women out there willing to show teenage mothers that they don't have to fit into a stereotype.