Where Are All These So-Called Men in Black?

I'm madder than an armidillo in a sight seein' contest about these god damn mockumentaries.

Listen, I'm a big film guy, and especially documentaries - you might call me a docky. Some of my faves: Spinal Tap, Best in Show, Ass Blasters #19. I mean, I'm no Errol Morris or anything, but I know TRUTH when I see it. But you know what's really starting to gulch my gizzard? Aside from gizzard infection? This here new trend of the "mockumentary." What kind of B.S. is that? First of all, I have no idea what a "mentary" is, let alone why it should be mocked. I watched a doc-u just the other day, and you know what? I'm beginning to think it wasn't real at all. In fact - I think it might be a mock-u.

At this point, you're probably asking me, "hey, Humanoid, what movie are you talking about?" Well, dipshit, I'm talking about Men in Black 2, starring Martin Lawrence and Joe Pesci. Both of these actors, as I understand it, have worked as undercover agents for the government for some years now. Their primary goal seems to be to cover up the existence of aliens. This doesn't bother me. I'll buy that. That's why Martin Lawrence was in Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, because the guy that played Carlton is actually a mutated Jupitarian. Getting jiggy? More like getting jiggly, with Zorlock of the Jelly People of Xarlon.

Anywho, in this "documentary", everyone wears black suits, because black suits are for phat people. Phatness is an illness, an illness which rocks skrilla dimes. These black suits are also apparently magical, as they allow the wearer to make terrible songs based on good 70s funk music, instead of making hilarious teen remarks about his parents and underage girls. They also enable the wearer to stalk a preteen boy, and devise ways to "get his booty", only to be foiled by him time and time again.

These black suits also give the wearer the ability to erase memories. And that, my dear reader, is where I get my ficklewiz: