Bat Boy, Advisor to 15 US Presidents, Dead at 26

The world was shocked this week to learn of the tragic death of Bat Boy, the strange half-human, half-bat, whose amazing story first came to light in the now-defunct Weekly World News. The news of Bat Boy's death has left some shocked, some outraged, and some asking why.

"That such a young and amazing bat person could die so young. It is... unthinkable," said a French government official made up for this article.

"Considering Bat Boy's importance in US policy-making, I find it very interesting that Bat Boy's death should happen in a presidential election year," said fictional CNM political analyst, Morey Stafford. "I'm not saying foul play is involved. I'm simply saying foul."

The rags-to-riches story of Bat Boy has captivated dozens since his discovery in a remote West Virginia cave in the Ozarks by biologist, Doctor Ron Dillon. More amazing than the fact that the Ozarks are not located in West Virginia, the finding of a half bat, half-human child in 1992 made headlines in the Weekly World News around the world.

Despite his humble origins, Bat Boy would overcome adversity and prejudice to become a decorated veteran of the United States Marines and trusted advisor to 15 presidents, in addition to sighting Elvis on five separate occasions.

"Bat Boy is truly an inspiration to stereotyped people everywhere," said Charles Chiropteran, president of the HumanBat Society. "Bat Boy is formerly living proof that if you follow your dreams, your dreams will follow you."

Despite Bat Boy's amazing success, fame had a dark side. On February 27, 2001, Bat Boy supposedly bit a 10-year-old girl in an Orlando theme park. The very next day, Bat Boy issued a press release announcing his support for Al Gore's presidential campaign. The move was deemed a cover-up, and many in the press accused Bat Boy of trying to divert attention from the Florida attack. It was the first bad press Bat Boy had ever received, and it left him shocked and disillusioned.