A Guide on How to Act Around and What Not to Say to a Cancer Survivor

As a cancer survivor of non-hodgkins lymphoma, I am amazed at how certain actions and comments from other people can be very offensive and just plain rude. I wondered if my reactions were just me being irrational, or if other survivors had similar stores. So I took an informal poll among several 100 other survivors and this is our combined list of pet peeves.

I understand that most people may not realize how a seemingly small insignificant comment or action can cause hurt feelings, fear, and depression. That is why I'm creating this list ... I hope it will give you some insight into our feelings and help us all be more comfortable and thoughtful when expressing ourselves.

Here we go!

Do not rub my head! I'm a female and my hair is just starting to grow back in. I'm finally brave enough to go without a head cover but I spend hours getting my few sprigs of hair to look halfway decent. Why is it that most people I encounter immediately want to rub my head? grrrr. Do they think I'm a lucky charm or something? LOL. Really people, don't be squishing my hair!

Do not tell me stories about people you know who've had cancer and have died. I do not need or want to hear stuff like this. I need encouragement and have enough reasons to get depressed.

Do not tell me that you've never known anyone who was cured of cancer by using chemo and that the chemo only does more damage than good. This is just cruel and does not help boost the morale of anyone. People who fight cancer are battling for their lives, and part of that battle is a good positive mental outlook. The battle to survive does not end just because we're not on chemo anymore.

Do not tell me that I should never have used chemo because of all the collateral damage and that herbal remedies are much better. If you don't agree with chemotherapy, that is fine. It is a personal choice. Do not berate me for the decision I made, even if you think it was wrong. I may have battle scars, but I'm alive and do not need your negativity.

Don't tell me I just need to get more exercise and I won't be so tired. Unless you've walked a mile in "cancer world" you don't get to have an opinion on this.