On Cynicism and Humor

Listen - where I work we sell these silly "Grip It Can Coolers" called Koozies - not that you can find that name on the products themselves, which are made in China, and whose wise-ass insults written in English may be the funniest thing about them, under the circumstances.

Ironically, the printed comments on the sides of these spongy can/bottle holders, designed to keep beverages cool, are likely lost on their Chinese factory workers.

Alas, they're not lost on Americans, for whom they are marketed. I sold three of the damned things yesterday - at $1.79 each - replete with the requisite remarks from the customers buying them, to the effect, "Oh - that's funny! I've GOT to get one these! My wife/husband will love it!"

Yeh, yeh - they're hilarious. Here's eight examples from the Koozies' canon of cheeks-pinching humor:

* "Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand."
* "Tell me again how lucky I am to work here (I keep forgetting)."
* "Work fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours."
* "I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."
* "Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted."
* "God must love stupid people, he made so many."
* "Never go to bed angry. Stay up and plot your revenge."
* "I'm not fluent in idiot, so please speak very slowly."

Har-de-har-har, as late comedian and former Miami, FL resident Jackie Gleason used to say on his once fabulously popular �60s TV show, "The Honeymooners."

Gleason also used to say this scripted "punch" line to his TV wife then: "One of these days, Alice - pow! - right in the kisser!"

Battered wife humor. Har-de-har-har.


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I grew up in Fort Lauderdale, the next major greater metropolitan geographical area above Miami, where we had one of Gleason's lesser-known peers, Woody Woodbury, performing live in a pre-"Where the Boys Are" beach restaurant by standing on-stage with his mic while the diners (mostly married couples) awaited Woodbury's attack on their marriage(s), or their clothes, or their looks, or their weight, or - something about either husband or wife that was snide and insulting.