How to Use Time-Outs Effectively with Your Child

There will always be times when a child is beyond his or her point of control and has said or done something that as an adult in a caretaker's role, you cannot ignore. The specifics change depending on the setting, but an infraction has occurred be it hitting, name-calling, or other no-no, and you are responsible for teaching the child that certain actions are unacceptable. You're looking at the child and the child is looking at you and you both know something has to happen...but what?

A time-out may be just what is needed in this situation. What exactly is a time-out? The very basic explanation is that a time-out removes the child from the situation that has provoked their inappropriate behavior for an age-appropriate length of time.

When is a time-out appropriate? For a time-out to work a child has to understand the rules AND that be able to connect inappropriate social behavior with temporary loss of group privileges. For example if you have a 14 month old who throws a toy at another child you can say "No" very firmly and even take the offending toy away, but putting that child in time-out would be a waste of time and energy because he cannot understand WHY he is being separated from the group. On the other hand, starting around 24 months most children can understand that if they can't play nicely then they will have to sit alone and not play at all for a few minutes.

So, the first step in an appropriate time-out is that a child understand the concept of consequences. The second necessary step is that the time-out be appropriate for the age and development of the child. If everyone is playing in the living room and a three year old needs a time-out he doesn't have to be banished all the way to his room. It will make enough of an impact on him that he has to stop playing and sit quietly on the couch, or time-out bench. For an older child (elementary school age), it may be more appropriate for them to go to their room and may actually be less embarrasing for them.