Living with Your Partner's PTSD

When the Woman You Love is a Victim

By April Gilford, published Sep 07, 2006
Published Content: 26  Total Views: 78,689  Favorited By: 7 CPs
Embed:  
Rating: 3.8 of 5
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, is an anxiety disorder that affects victims of a traumatic event or events. The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) approximates that about 3.6 percent of Americans, or 5.2 million people, between ages 18 to 54 have PTSD during the course of a given year. The condition also affects children and older adults, and can cause a wide range of symptoms. In victims of sexual abuse, molestation, and rape, as in other traumas, the symptoms carry over into everyday life and determine how the victim acts and reacts in situations. Living with the PTSD sufferer can be difficult and confusing, as the person’s emotions may appear irrational. It is a sad fact that the perpetrators make victims out of not only the person they traumatized, but also every person with whom the victim has future relationships. Failed friendships and family relations, and short-lived intimate relationships are common in women who have suffered sexual trauma. For their male boyfriends and husbands, understanding PTSD behavior is a crucial step to a lasting partnership.

Living with Your Partner's PTSD

Relationships often fail when facing PTSD

Credit: Lynette

Copyright: Morguefile

Takeaways
  • Partners of PTSD sufferers may feel like victims themselves of the PTSD.
  • PTSD can make a victimized woman's actions and reactions seem irrational.
  • Professional treatment is always recommended for victims of sexual abuse.
Did You Know?
NIMH estimates that 3.6 percent of Americans between ages 18 and 54 have PTSD.
Resources
Comments
Showing Comments 1 - 15 of 24
Next >>
 
For all those out there suffering with a partner who has PTSD, don't lose hope. My partner is recovering from childhood sexual abuse and used to have attacks during or after sex. Usually after. She would shake and, as a poster said below me, the fear I would see in her eyes would scare me. My therapist taught me a way to help her through this and it has really helped decrease the number of these attacks, and even my partner has said so. I just held her close and told her to look in my eyes. I asked her again until she truly looked in my eyes. There are many things I would assure her of, including that it was just me and her here and that I would never hurt her. My therapist said the most important things to do are to keep telling her "it's okay" and to ask her "Where did you just go?", letting her know that where she "was" in her flashback is different from where she is with me. Anyway, hope this helps someone. :)

Posted on 04/17/2008 at 2:04:52 PM

 
To all the long suffering partners out there, GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!. Love will not heal PTSD, sorry to say that. I have had 4 relationships with women who , to varying degrees, were living with PTSD. The only commonality between them was that I ended up being verbally and emotinally abused by THEM. Remember, PTSD has a massive concurrence with Borderline Personality Disorder and this comintatin will leave your head spinning, your heart ripped apart and in the end , as a male in this culture, you will end up being "the problem" . My heart is broken for anyone dealign with these disorders but I will never stick around anymore.

Posted on 03/16/2008 at 3:03:45 PM

 
Just the kind of thing I can't stand to hear. It doesn't help. How do you know?

Posted on 02/24/2008 at 7:02:45 PM

 
everything will heal with time, if you allow it to.

Posted on 12/10/2007 at 1:12:23 AM

 
just be patient with your loved one who has suffered trauma like abuse. be willing to attend to their therapy when they need you near. don't take anything personel. most always they are feeling the all too famialiar loss of control that was placed on them at the time the trauma took place,hence they need to know that you're still there when they need you.

Posted on 11/27/2007 at 10:11:00 AM

 
i am in a relationship with a women who has ptsd, and she had an episode last weekend and it happened during sex. The fear she had in her eyes scared me. we are madly in love and i will be by her side no matter what. what should i expect, please somebody help me. she is pushing me away, says she needs space, and will not tell me she loves me which is very unusual for her. we both are in recovery from addiction and work in the field so i understand the recovery process, but having to just sit back and not be able to show affection to the women i love is extremely difficult. she told me its not me that triggered it, but needs time. someone please help, i am desperate right now.

Posted on 10/31/2007 at 7:10:00 AM

 
I have a question? Is it normal for one to react the opposite way. I have been keeping things hidden for about 20 yrs now. And my B/F has been talking to me about just about everything. I never realized how bad things were untill he helped me come clean about them. We were talking tonight and found this artical. I have been known to take late night walks and talk to people that I know I shouldn't be talking to. For the most part giving him more reason to leave me. I don't want him to leave me. I just want to know that it is normal to be out of the ordinary. For a lot of things that you have written here I fit except for the fears of things happening. I feel that I am trying to make it not happen hence control the situation. But have realized that I can't control them. I was raped by my father and by 3 other men in my life. I have never had counceling. But feel as though I need it. I have removed myself from my anti drpressents and thought things were going well. But on the other hand

Posted on 10/27/2007 at 8:10:00 PM

 
Very useful article. I will be sharing this link with some of the survivors and partners of survivors on the site I am a member of. www.survivormatters.co.nr

Posted on 09/07/2007 at 1:09:00 PM

 
My girlfriend has been molested by her father, and was also raped (by 4 guys) before the age of 11. It was very difficult for me to find out that this happened to her, because I wish I was there to protect her. I did not know that it would have lasting effects. We are okay sexually, but we have terrible issues. She recently (within the past two weeks) has found out that she may have ptsd. Before this I was to blame for all our fights, and miscommunications. She would physically attack me at times when she was angry, and every little fight would become a huge issue and involve me having to leave our residence. I was ready to leave the relationship before we found that she has ptsd. Now I'm confused. Though I've endured much in the relationship, now I know she has a major issue and I dont want to abandon her. Now, I've come back and she is even worse. She is blammin her ptsd, and reliving her past, and bringing up details of her rape to me and I can't handle it. I had to leav

Posted on 08/24/2007 at 11:08:00 AM

 
What about if because of the event she become sexually promiscous? does that happen? I mean is it possible in her attempt to control the situation she Controls it by letting it go. and then having Endless affairs?

Posted on 07/22/2007 at 5:07:00 AM

 
I was molested by someone from my own church and couldn't remember until I was in my senior year at high school. I end up in a relationship and realized that I act different than other girls that go out with their boyfriends. I began to remember what happened to me as a child when my relationship with my boyfriend became intimate. I am now married with him (high school boyfriend) continue to feel everything you describe in your article. It has been over 13 years we have been together and I am still scared of his touch and move away. I always feel bad about how I react towards him and blame myself. I feel like I am not alone after I read your article. I just know I can't be reacting thisway for no reason. Thanks for the insight and sharing this with other husbands that may feel hopeless about their intimacy with their wife. I love my husband and I blame all my battles of intimacy on the man that hurt me in my past.

Posted on 04/24/2007 at 2:04:00 AM

 
Wow, I love the article. I was sexualy abused as a child for a significant amount of time, and have not been able to let anyone touch me without being terrorized. So thank you for making this known to so many others; makes my life a little easier.

Posted on 04/15/2007 at 10:04:00 PM

 
Thank you so much for writing this. I was molested when I was 12, and your description seems to paint my relationships with men very well. I can't bear them touching me if I don't expect it. I've always been uncomfortable with caresses and spontaneous hugs. It just makes me want to throw in the towel with regard to sexual relationships. But with you pointing out those signs, it doesn't make me feel so alienated anymore. I can recognise it when it happens, and not think that I'm just weird :)

Posted on 04/14/2007 at 10:04:00 PM

 
Exactly what I was wondering about. This describes a relationship I am in as of late about 90% accurately. When I met her she was married and having several affairs. Deep down, though, she is very sensitive and pained. She is sexually active, but she doesn't seem to enjoy it. I couldn't understand why she seemed like such an intelligent, decent person even though she cheated on her husband until I dug a little deeper and started asking her questions. The root was a disgusting relative who was buried with a wad of her saliva in his face. She has been a pretty hardcore drinker ever since. I feel a lot more confident regarding my interactions with her now. Thanks.

Posted on 04/13/2007 at 1:04:00 PM

 
My mother-in-law is convinced that my wife has been molested at some point in her life and wants her to see a therapist. She has no evidence that anything ever happened. I will admit that my wife is not close with her family and isn't a fan of public affection, but I don't see anything that points to sexual abuse. Aren't these common things for many people? My mother-in-law wants her to see a therapist in order to attempt to recover the "repressed memory" of her sexual abuse. Couldn't this cause more problems? I am imagining the worst; that my wife will remember something or become convinced that something happened. I worry that the therapist will then put her on anti-depressants and mind-numbing drugs for the rest of her life. I don't know if I am off base or if I have some valid concerns. Help? Someone?

Posted on 01/10/2007 at 9:01:00 PM

Type in Your Comments Below - (1000 characters left)
Your name:

Submit your own content on this or any topic. Get started »
Showing Comments 1 - 15 of 24
Next >>
Most Commented On