PMS - a Survival Guide for Men

I have noticed that when I have PMS, my boss will hide in his office and my significant other will lay low for awhile, usually somewhere where I am not. So I'm taking pity on men everywhere and letting you in on a few helpful hints since up to 90% of females who have hit puberty and have not yet hit menopause suffer from PMS. And if we suffer, you suffer.

If she is displaying behavior void of all reason or sense, do not ask her in that snide tone of voice if it is "that time of the month". Doing so may cause bodily harm. Just assume it is that time once again and move on to the tips given to you below.

Do not try to reason with us. We do not see ourselves as being irrational, but we do see you as being an idiot, and we will tell you so. Then we'll tell all our girlfriends you're an idiot and they will agree with us.

Do not correct us for any reason during this time. The reason for this is because we do not think we're wrong, but we do think you're an idiot.

Nothing you do will make us happy and nothing you say will appease us. Don't even try it.

Do not try to convince us that you are sympathizing with our situation. You don't know, we know you don't know, and any attempt to convince us otherwise will make you look like an idiot.

If you are hungry, cook your own damn food.

If you value your life and/or your personal possessions, pick up after yourself.

Do not try to convince us that what we are feeling is "all in our head", or we will be tempted to kick you in your crotch and tell you the same about your pain. We will also tell you that you are an idiot.

Do not be fooled by what appears to be a good mood. This can and does change unexpectedly and we do not feel the need to notify you of said changes.

If we become upset, agitated, irritated or emotional for whatever reason, do not tell us to calm down. This will redirect the previously mentioned mood towards you and you will regret it.