Art Coelho's My First Kill: The Queering of Gender Roles and Sexual Identity

The varying forms of sexual desire and the question of gender identity are explored in Art Coelho's short story, "My First Kill," under the guise of a twelve-year-old boy's experience with his first automatic rifle. What the reader expects to be a story about hunting turns out to be much more than that - it's about the hunt for sexual release, the hunt for identity within a prescribed gender, and the hunt for the meaning once gender and sex collide.

Obviously, the immediate association that can be made with the gun is the penis, and not simply the penis, but what possession of this organ grants an individual within the realms of a patriarchal society. Ownership of both the gun and the penis represent forms of power and authority, control to be asserted over other individuals - the power of sex and the power of death, respectively. As the narrator is a male possessing not just one but two tools of power, the intensity of his sense of responsibility and his desire to measure up to what is expected of him is doubled. At his age, he is already expected to become a provider for his family; his father tells him of hunting: "if it ain't good enough for our supper table. . . forget it" (270).

But the duty felt by this boy goes beyond that of the male simply as provider - it also seems to be that of the male as sexual conquerer. His father teaches him more than just how to properly hunt animals; he also seems to be indirectly teaching his son about the art of sex. "Speed is not the most important thing to hunting, son," he says. "You jump the gun and it's all over. Anybody can pull the trigger fast, but not everyone can hit the mark." By substituting the word "sex" for "hunting," the underlying meaning of his advice becomes clear, or at the very least two-dimensional. The narrator's father seems to be almost bragging about his sexual prowess in what might be viewed as a stereotypical manner - as if to say that everyone has the ability to engage in sexual activity, but not everyone can do it right. Even the mere act of giving advice strongly implies that the father thinks himself well versed enough in these areas to be entitled to give advice.