Parents are Forever: A Guide to Post-Divorce Parenting

Although the happily ever of marriage may not last forever, a parent is a parent forever. After a seperation or divorce divides a family into two halves, many children experience difficulty dealing with the new situation. Most of all, children need loving reassurance that both parents still care and that the individual relationships with each parent are intact. Several steps must be taken to make the transitition as smooth as possible.

First, no matter how young the child may be, explain that it's best for Mommy and Daddy to live apart but that both parents still love him very much. A major change in routine - such as a parent moving out or a parent and child moving to a new home - can be frightening for most children. When the world they've known changes, it's vital to show that they are still loved, that they are still important to both parents.

If possible, maintain a friendly relationship with the former spouse. In some circumstances, this may not be possible but parents should strive for a pleasant, business type relationship for the sake of the children. Respect one another so that the child will feel secure. Open arguments or harsh words can make the distressing divorce experience more difficult for the children. Maintain an open communication line. Strive to honor custody agreements and demonstrate to your child that her parents can and will work together when she's involved.

Be honest. Don't provide details that are too adult for children to handle but be truthful. Explain that Mommy and Daddy don't get along so Daddy is moving to another home. Be upfront about the fact that it's possible to provide better parenting apart than together. Small children often have difficulty understanding what "divorce" means so it's best to avoid terms like "Daddy's leaving". Instead, "Daddy has a new home now but you're welcome to visit him there." and "Daddy will always be your daddy" are more reassuring.