Final Fantasy IX: Supercondensed

The fun keeps coming at Square's expense! ....Now let's just hope they don't decide to sue me for every dime I don't have.

'AHEM'

The story starts off with TANTULUS, the THEATER TROUPE/GANG OF THIEVES, arriving in ALEXANDRIA to perform the broadway musical, "I WANT TO BE YOUR CANARY."

Zidane: Well, it's the only show we know.

As per CID'S request, TANTULUS KIDNAPS PRINCESS GARNET. Thanks to QUEEN BRAHNE, the PRIMA VISTA crash-lands in the EVIL FOREST. GARNET is thrown from the airship, and ZIDANE LEAVES TANTULUS to go save her from a BIG PLANT THING. With STEINER and VIVI's help, the BIG PLANT THING DIES and the ENTIRE FOREST gets PISSED OFF. EVERYBODY RUNS LIKE THEY'RE FILMING AN ACTION FLICK.

Zidane: Y'know, I've always wondered why Steiner, wearing that suit of clunky armor and Carrying Garnet, and Vivi, with his short little Oompa-loompa sized legs, could [i]outrun me.[/i]

ZIDANE, STEINER, VIVI, AND GARNET ESCAPE. The EVIL FOREST PETRIFIES, including the trapped BLANK. After camping out for the night, the group heads to the ICE CAVERN.

Steiner: An aptly named cavern if I've ever seen one.

Garnet: Yeah, Square isn't sparing any expense, are they?

From the ICE CAVERN, the group heads to the quaint little town of DALI. ZIDANE and GARNET find out the town's SECRET; it turns out that they're CREATING BLACK MAGE SOLDIERS for QUEEN BRAHNE. With this information, ZIDANE comendeers the CARGO SHIP and they head to LINDBLUM. CID tells them that BRAHNE intends to start a WAR. Instead of DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT, CID opts to SIT ON HIS OGLOP ASS and watch the FESTIVAL OF THE HUNT.

Vivi: Also known as "Watching wild beasts destroy anything they come across while stupid people fight them for a cheap prize."

After the FESTIVAL OF THE HUNT, a BURMECIAN SOLDIER staggers into the royal chamber and tells the group that an ARMY OF BLACK MAGE SOLDIERS has DECIMATED BERMECIA.

Cid: But forget about that, let's [i]eat![/i]

GARNET DRUGS EVERYONE BUT STEINER. They TAKE OFF for ALEXANDRIA. EVERYBODY at the dinner table WAKES UP, and with FREYA they head to BURMECIA. Along the way they pick up QUINA, even though NOBODY knows WHY.