Final Fantasy X: Supercondensed

We start off with TIDUS competing in a BLITZBALL GAME in the futristic city of ZANARKAND. SIN arrives and TEARS APART THE CITY. AURON, the MYSTERIOUS OLD GUY WITH A BIG-ASS SWORD, shows up and helps TIDUS ESCAPE. Some funky VISUAL EFFECTS ensue and TIDUS is transported to the half-sunken BAAJ TEMPLE.

Tidus: Did you know that "Baaj" spelled backwards is "Jaab?"

Rikku: And did YOU know that "norom" spelled backwards is "Moron?"

Tidus: Ah, no. But I could've figured it out.

TIDUS is ATTACKED by a MEDIOCRE FIEND. RIKKU shows up and SAVES his WHINEY ARSE.

Tidus: "Whiney arse...?" What language is that?

Instead of KILLING HIM, RIKKU'S FAMILY agrees to drag him along on their hunt for the AIRSHIP. They FIND IT at the BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN. RIKKU explains to TIDUS that ZANARKAND was destroyed by SIN ONE THOUSAND YEARS AGO.

Tidus: Let's all do the time warp again!

Rikku: 'smacks him' No more "Rocky Horror Picture Show" for you.

SIN ATTACKS RIKKU'S VESSEL, and TIDUS is DUMPED OVERBOARD. He drifts to BESAID ISLAND, where he awakes to discover WAKKA and the BESAID AUROCHS practicing BLITZBALL moves. WAKKA drags him into town. He meets LULU, KIMAHRI, and YUNA in the temple. YUNA BECOMES A FULL-FLEDGED SUMMONER.

Lulu: Hm. So she steps out of the inner chamber sweating profusely, breathing heavily, and so tired she could barely walk.

Yuna: B-but I was praying! Honest!

Lulu: ....Right.

The group head out the next morning and SET SAIL to KILIKA. SIN ATTACKS and THRASHES KILIKA as they arrive.

Wakka: They build their town on the beach and have "Kill" in their name? They were asking to get torpedoed by Sin.

The group SHRUGS THEIR COLLECTIVE SHOULDERS and YUNA RECIEVES A NEW AEON.

Ifrit: I'm known around the Square offices as either "Old Reliable" or "We're scraping the barrel so let's just throw that fire-demon-thing in there for the hell of it." Take your pick.

The group sets sail again and journeys to LUCA, the only SPORTS TOWN on the PLANET. TIDUS and WAKKA participate in the BLITZBALL TOURNAMENT, and despite all of the WACKY HIJINX surrounding the games, THEY LOSE.

Tidus: Man, I can't believe we lost to a team named the "Goers."