Final Fantasy X-2 Supercondensed

AHEM.

When we left off from Final Fantasy X, SIN had been OBLITERATED, the FAYTH stopped DREAMING, and Tidus DISAPPEARED into the FARPLANE or WHEREVER.

Tidus: What? It ain't my fault I got paid scale for this gig.

Rikku: And meanwhile Yunie is raking in an eight-digit salary.

Tidus: ............I guess it wasn't my story after all. 'slumps shoulders'

ANYWAY, despite Tidus's DIRT-POOR NEGOTIATION SKILLS, two YEARS pass and POLITICS start DIVIDING PEOPLE into FACTIONS. Yuna joins Rikku's SPHERE HUNTING group, the GULLWINGS. Yes, that's GULLWINGS.

Rikku: Yep, we named ourselves after birds who swoop down, steal food, and crap on you as they go.

Paine: I'm guessing there's some sort of hidden ideolgy in there somewhere.

Kimahri is now a RONSO ELDER.

Kimahri: Kimahri really resent any joke you about to rip off from "Man Show."

Rikku: What makes you thing we would?

Kimahri: Kimahri just KNOW.

Wakka and Lulu have paired up, apparently emulating FAN DOJINS because Lulu is EXPECTING THEIR FIRST CHILD. Wakka runs around in circles like an idiot trying to FIGURE OUT how to be a DAD.

Jecht: It's easy, kiddo. Just slip 'em a few M&Ms every now and then and you'll do fine.

Wakka: Ah, maybe. But look how your son turned out.

Jecht: ......You know, you got a point, kid. Make it Skittles.

Jecht and Auron are STILL DEAD. They hang out at the FARPLANE BAR AND GRILL and chit-chat with OTHER DEAD FINAL FANTASY CHARACTERS.

Sephiroth: Free pretzels with a two-drink minimum. Thirty-seven and Aeris gives you a tabledance.

Aeris: At least that's what I TELL them before they pass out.

Leo: 'drunker than Ted Kennedy' I LUVS EVER'BODEEEE!!!!!! WHEEEEE!!!!!!! 'drops to the floor'

Back to the story. 'AHEM' A Sphere Hunter named Leblanc SWIPES Yuna's GARMENT GRID, impersonates her for no other reason other than giving the game a COOL OPENING NUMBER, and LAUGHS like she's the VILLAIN.

Leblanc: Mwa haa haa! Fear my overly-revealing outfit and twangy battle music!

The REAL Yuna shows up bustin' moves Lara Croft can't TOUCH, and WHOMPS Leblanc QUITE HANDILY using SONG AND DANCE.