Kingdom Hearts: Supercondensed

We start off with SORA having a funky DREAM. The dream sequence is really an EXCUSE for a TUTORIAL on how to play the game, and SORA wakes up on a beach in the DESTINY ISLANDS. There Sora SPARS with SELPHIE, TIDUS, WAKKA, and RIKU.

Rikku: In other words, not ME.

Greg: Boy, was I dissappointed.

After building a rinky-dink RAFT, SORA, RIKU, and the subject of their dueling, KAIRI, talk about visiting OTHER WORLDS then go HOME. A STORM comes, and the HEARTLESS show up. RIKU uses the power of DARKNESS to ESCAPE, and SORA recieves the KEYBLADE. KAIRI winds up MISSING, and SORA is somehow transported to TRAVERSE TOWN. Meanwhile COURT WIZARD DONALD discovers KING MICKEY'S ABSENSE, goes CRAZY, and decides to FOLLOW the ORDERS the King LEFT BEHIND. He drags along CAPTAIN GOOFY, and they take a ride to TRAVERSE TOWN to find LEON.

Leon: The only reason they renamed me for this story was just to screw with Final Fantasy fans.

Sora finds Leon FIRST, and they FIGHT just to add DRAMA. In a lengthy cutscene, Leon and Yuffie explain to Sora what the HELL is going on while AERIS explains the SAME BLOODY THING to Donald and Goofy IN THE VERY NEXT ROOM, eerily CONTINUING EACH OTHER'S CONVERSATIONS. FANBOYS WEEP TEARS OF JOY AT SEEING AERIS ONCE AGAIN.

Aeris: If you're wondering where my jacket is, Tifa's borrowing it. She always borrows my stuff without permission. Mau...

Sora meets up with Goofy and Donald, and they decide to TEAM UP like COMIC BOOK CHARACTERS.

Yuffie: Don'tcha just love crossover stories?

The trio travel to WONDERLAND, OLYMPUS COLLOSSEUM, and TARZAN'S DEEP JUNGLE in NO PARTICULAR ORDER. They experience Disney STORYLINES, encounter Disney VILLAINS, and KICK ARSE with Final Fantasy MAGIC.

Sora: It's a stranger combo than Pauly Shore and good taste.

Yuffie: When have those two been within seventeen miles of each other?

They return to TRAVERSE TOWN and learn that the KEYBLADE actually LOCKS WORLDS, preventing the HEARTLESS from KNAWING on a WORLD'S HEART OR SOMETHING TO THAT EFFECT.

Sora: So it *doesn't* just unlock giant, out-of-the-ordinary keyholes.