Caregiver Stress: Straight Talk for New Caregivers

Important Reading for Anyone Who Knows a Family Caregiver

Fifty million Americans, according to The National Family Caregivers Association, care for a loved one who is disabled, chronically ill or fragile from old age. That adds up to a lot of potential for caregiver stress and conflicting emotions.

The Deer Caught in the Headlines Syndrome

The family member who inherits the caregiver job after an accident or unforeseen health crisis faces overwhelming pressure. Feeling like a deer caught in the headlines, unable to move is a common emotion. Too much medical information is coming at them, too much is being asked of them and too much is being focused on the care recipient while the caregiver is falling apart inside and silently screaming, "What about me?" In many cases, the care recipient is the very person the new caregiver used to go to for support and comfort and with that relationship out of kilter, coping with caregiver stress can seem insurmountable.

The God-Never-Gives-Us-More-Than-We-Can-Handle Myth

A lot of platitudes are thrown around when caregiver stress manifests itself and the new caregiver tries to reach out. Friends and co-workers trying to be sympathetic often say things like: "God never gives you more than you can handle" or "get a grip" or worst yet, "you're not the patient here." For a few people platitudes might work to help them screw up their courage but for others, they are freaking out inside and wanting to shout back: "I do have more than I can handle. I can't get a grip and I might not be the patient here but I still need help!" What caregivers, and those who care about them, often don't realize is that caregiver stress---in the early months---is rooted in the Five Stages of Grief. Mourning a past way of life and fearing an uncertain future takes its toll. It's like being shell shocked. They are just going through the motions of what is required of them.

Crawling Out From Between the Rock and the Hard Place