Strange News of the Week: January 7, 2008

Excerpted from "Belrad Universe," January 7, 2008. Listen to the entire broadcast at: http://www.associatedcontent.com/audio/1909/belrad_universe_show_4.html

Get more at www.BelradUniverse.com

And now for the news of the week.

On Thursday, the San Francisco zoo reopened for the first time since the infamous tiger attack, and they've put all kinds of new security features in place. For one, they've shut down the lion and tiger exhibits - oh my! - and they've put a new public alert system in place, along with signs that read 'Do not tease the animals.'

Just a thought: if I'm dumb enough to need a sign like that, I might have trouble reading it. Better make that warning a once-a-minute broadcast over the PA system. That way, you cover patrons with ADD too.

This kind of 'duh' puts me in mind of the winner of the recent dumbest warning label contest. One man brought in a caution from a lawn tractor that read "Warning: Avoid Death." Durrr. That's right up there with "If dismembered, seek medical attention."

But, even better than that, the Retard of the Week award goes to one Mr. Bo Bai of Fishkill, NY. Bai is a computer consultant, so, you might expect that he's a fairly smart guy. Apparently, though, he puts too much faith in his technology, as, when driving he followed the guidance of his GPS navigational device - to the exclusion of actually looking where he was going. When the device told him to turn right, he did - right into a train.

His car got caught between railroad crossing barriers, and was struck at 60 miles per hour. Alas, he's out of the running for a Darwin Award, because he did manage to escape from the vehicle before the collision.

He shouldn't be too disappointed, though, because he does get something out of it all: he'll receive, courtesy of Belrad Universe, an honorary dunce cap, complete with foam under-helmet, to keep him from accidentally hurting himself when he bangs his head against a wall crying 'why me?'