Mega Man X Command Mission: Supercondensed

Ahem.

We BEGIN with, X, Zero, and newcomer SHADOW checking out some ruins, looking for BAD GUYS.

Shadow: I'm not a playable character, I have Ying-Yang symbols all over me, and I'm named "Shadow." If that doesn't telegraph "betrayal," I don't know what does.

Zero: ....What's a "Telegraph?"

Upon exploration, they find many open HIBERNATION CAPSULES or FUTURISTIC LAZ-E-BOY CHAIRS or SOMETHING. Evil is AFOOT, AT HAND, or some other IMPLICATING BODY PART.

Epsilon: Direct all your body part jokes to our resident Dominatrix over there, P.O. Box 24452-009, Fresno, California.

Fehram: WHY are our creators such PERVERTS? 'sweatdrop'

The three meet Epsilon and his gang, and Shadow pulls a BENEDICT ARNOLD and launches Zero into the STRATOSPHERE.

Zero: 'flying through the air at high velocity Ranma-style' I REFUSE to degrade myself by flapping my arms and saying "I think I can" over and over.

X: Ah, the contrived "separate the popular guy from the rest of the party to keep him cool" phenomenon, a staple of all RPGs. Capcom did their homework.

X escapes by the SKIN OF HIS WIRING. He wakes up in the CENTRAL FLOATING REPLOID CITY called... uh.... CENTRAL CITY.

X: 'rolls eyes' REAL creative, here.

Epsilon's WEAKEST CRONY happens to be present, trying to TAKE CONTROL of the city for NO REAL REASON. X meets a bunch of new faces. PROFESSOR X- no, I'm sorry, AILE sacrifices himself. SPIDER TEH BOUNTY HUNTER shows up and everyone goes "DUDE, screw Zero, this character KICKS ASS! New Favorite!"

Zero: 'still flying through the air, sarcastic' ...Like "Spider" is really a cool name. Pssh. The minute I come back, all the fangirls will flock to me, you'll see.

X: Wanna put money on it?

Zero: Damn straight. As soon as I land, I'm hitting an ATM.

Spider: Or you'll hit an ATM upon landing, one or the other.

Zero: Gah, curse you and your cool-sounding, aloof-yet-kind-of-caring dialogue!!!