Useless Baby Items that Only First-Time Parents Buy

Yesterday I helped a friend shop for his daughter's baby shower. It's her first baby. You know how I could tell? Her baby shower registry list.

First-time parents will, of course, make plenty of rookie mistakes. First-time parents will freak out every time their baby so much as whimpers and will often think that a runny nose requires a three a.m. emergency room visit. There are some parenting lessons that you just have to learn on your own, but there are some lessons that you can take from me, Experienced Parent.

A single visit to Babies 'R Us will fill the first-time parent-to-be with overwhelming anxiety. What is all of this stuff? Do I need it? I must. It's here! Even the most intelligent, marketing-savvy adults will forget that baby products are an industry like any other, and that advertising companies prey on parents' desire to provide their child with the safest and highest-quality products available, to the tune of billions annually.

With that in mind, Lesson One: You don't need even half of the crap on your baby shower registry.

Take a deep breath, sit down, and rest assured that you don't need any of the following:

1. Steam Sterilizer. At about $50, this is one of the most useless baby products ever. You might as well grab a $50 bill and light it on fire. Sure, you want your baby's bottles and pacifiers to be clean, but do they need to be steam sterilized? Um, no. Have a dishwasher? How about a sink, Palmolive, and a hot water heater? Then you're just fine. Take that $50 and buy a $3 bottle brush. Spend the remaining $47 on heavily caffeinated beverages- something you'll actually need.