10 Airport Conversation Starters

Everyone needs a little company sometimes. Travelling is an adventure but it can also be a rootless existence and simply the conversation, company or touch of another person can be as necessary as the air we breathe. Here are some ways to strike up a conversation at 30,000 feet or in the bedlam of an airport.

1. Pretend to be an air marshal - In a post 9/11 world every traveler confronts the possibility of death each time he or she gets on board an airplane. With a fake moustache and badge you can pass yourself off as a semi-incognito law enforcer out to stop the nefarious plans of those who would bring down airplanes with boxcutters. Talk about your time in Beirut with special forces or how you lost a comrade to legionairre's disease back in '74. You are guarenteed to make friends and even conjure romance amongst the very gullible.

2. Visit the smoker's lounge - Smokers bond. That's how I made all of my friends freshman year in college.

3. Drink in the airport lounge - WARNING! This can be very expensive. Everyone goes to the airport bar for the same two reasons: a desire to get intoxicated and sheer loneliness/boredom. If there's a big game playing, you can meet even more people. If you're a woman, you will invariably get hit on at an airport bar.

4. Give a product demonstration - It seems every time I cross the Bosphorus in Istanbul some guy is getting up and demonstrating the latest revolution in home cooking, hair removal or clothing storage. Some of these products are fascinating. I once bought a little spigot that you screw into lemons and use to maximize the juice you can pour out of a citrus fruit.

5. Codeine - It's over the counter in England and you can bring a personal amount with you on any plane. Share it around; you'll make friends.

6. Become an ordained minister - Assure your seatmate that if the plane is going to crash, you can absolve all of his or her sins before impact.

7. Make an announcement telling everyone on the plane that by law you are required to inform them that you are a registered sex offender.

8. Offer to induct anyone willing into the Mile High Club.