Doing Life

Blogging has been slow the last few days, and will continue to be so for a least a few more. Basically, my computer died. I'm very sad, but am happy to announce I finally have a lap top on the way! Once I have that, I will deliver more of the blogs you all know and love.

I'm continuing to do life as best I can, but keep coming up against certain walls. These walls are relatively minor, and ultimately overcomable (I made that word up), but I can't stop doing the Jen thing. The Jen thing has always been thinking that minor obstacles here and there (even if they are more frequent than that) are signs of a much worse fate. If you know anything about me at all, you might have already gathered that I'm talking, of course, about my relationship.

I need to realize that this is what life is. Life is coming up against things and people that conflict with your personality and particular ways of being, and trying your best to reach a point of understanding or resolution. Thinking that something can only get worse, will automatically hinder my mind's ability to seek out a successful resolution. I will see it as impossible, and thus it will be so.

I believe some massive cognitive restructuring is in order. The only way to see a different result is to do something different. Each time Tom and I find ourselves fighting about a something that has come up again and again, my mind always goes to the same place: "This is something fundamentally different between us, we are always going to fight about this, things are going to snowball out of control and we are going to find ourselves at a catastrophic crossroads eventually". So how can I turn that around? If I want a different result, I have to do something different. The hard part is finding a theory of what that might be, and then seeing if it actually works when put into practice.