My Country Tis of Thee: Insights and Observations of American Culture

Part II (2008)

Here are a few more observations, insights and helpful tips about the Beacon on the Hill I call America. If you missed part 1 fear not. It is here: Part 1.

Waiting outside your girl's job everyday to tell her you love her is romantic. Waiting outside a girl's job everyday to tell her your love her is stalking.

If you feel uneasy about telling a guy his zipper is down, you are sufficiently homophobic enough to be an American.

Being fired for being late, absent from work and/or stealing from lunchroom refrigerator isn't a plot to ruin your career. It is a good management decision.

If you are a male and are thinking about ex with another male or a female thinking about sex with another female; you are not "bi-curious". You are "gay-curious".

Tip for service to the nearest dollar. Leaving change is tacky. So, by the way is pulling out, a wallet-sized tip chart.

Pretending to read the New York Times when you are really only looking at the pictures is pretentious and dumb. USA today has more pictures anyway.

Don't ask people you have known less than a year to help you move furniture. Trust me, no matter what they say, they don't want to help.

Constantly voting for her favorite American Idol and using "like" to start every sentence are signs that the "woman" you have spent all night buying drinks isn't 21.

If you come from a county where futbol is popular, don't expect any of your coworkers to A) know how well your favorite team is doing or B) care how well your favorite team is doing. We are Americans and for the the last time, we don't like soccer.

Most African-Americans are civil, sociable, non-violent individuals, but play the averages and don't call any of them the "n" word.

YouTube and tmz.com make it impossible for you to drive far enough away from your hometown to purchase porn or catch a a peepshow.

Be very leering of people who have monthly updates of there HIV-status in their on line personal ad.

Just because you see a girl and her brother kissing doesn't mean they are practicing incest, they could be from West Virgina and on a date.