Peyton Gives Eli Some Brotherly Advice

Hey Squirt, it's your big bro, Peyton. Now that you have a Superbowl ring on your finger, I notice that you aren't taking my calls. That's great, I am glad you are living in the afterglow of such an achievement. You were younger than me when you went to the Superbowl. You were younger than me when you WON the Superbowl. For all this, Little Man, I wanted to say: You're welcome.

Let's be honest, I was always the favorite. Dad and I would be in the backyard tossing the pig skin around, and lo and behold, there you'd be. Mom would make Dad include you - so Pops and I would play "Keep Away from Eli" until you'd cry. Somehow this flashback always makes me smile.

Remember your senior prom? I'm gonna shoot it to you straight, Bucko, it's probably not due to poor genetics that your face exploded with acne. If you recall, I used to tell you that vegetable oil would make you grow the facial hair you always wanted. You might have guessed: it makes your chin a veritable breeding ground for bacteria. Don't worry, when you ran upstairs to use your Stridex Pads, I did what any big brother would do - I, personally, ensured that your date made it home...yeah, you're feelin' me. I don't think she missed you at all.

My fondest memory, Slick, was adding that antiquing "stat" to your Wikipedia page. Not only did you go down as a whipped mama's boy, but you also received the worst hazing of anyone in the NFL. Who's "Da Manning" now?

Having trouble figuring out where I am going with this? Don't sweat it. You're stronger because I occasionally gave you a hard time. Enjoy the win. Take that new Escalade around the block a few times before it becomes a grocery-getter (or "Chariot to the Antiques Roadshow", as it is more aptly described in your instance). Today, you're a hero. Tomorrow, you are back to being Dad's second favorite.

Then again, my man, you did wipe that smug look off Tom-what's-his-name's face. Keep your glory for, let's say, another week. But by the time our next "Manning Family Football Game" rolls around, you better be on the look-out for cayenne pepper in your athletic supporter.