A Blurbette

She ate cotton candy, knowing that it would rot her teeth. She didn't care. It was her other weekness. The first one was A- Her first boyfriend from 7th grade. They met at church camp when they were barely pubescent. They kissed like in that Mariah Carey "Always be my baby" camp video, she thinks.

At some point, memories become so entangled in our own strange brand of fiction; she remembers a romance that might not really have existed. Nevertheless, A was back in her life. A decade later, she is alone and not quite lonely. Dreaming of french men wearing tight pleather jeans, obscene facial hair, guitar melodies buzzing inside their zippers, she hasn't thought of A, the cornerstone of her innocent years.

Yea, she still is innocent. Untouched by sullied fracions of people. A's back. The frenchman's gone. A's back, and all of a sudden, she's a giddy retarded girl, who hates herself, but can't sustain the giggles. God, it's like happiness has punched her across the face. A look of fantasy-- the dizzy spell.

10 Years, and she's butter. Melting slowly.

They lunch. It's a lunch date, even though lunch dates are dangerous close to the friend territory (circa 2006, Waiting). She doesn't mind. She has told herself; don't expect anything. Nothing will happen. This is a purely platonic rush of fire.

She takes hours to dress. She looks good in green. Whatever she wears, it's hot, expensive, and goes with heels. Irresistable... that song plays. She runs back to shave her legs. He probably wont see them, but she does it anyway.

They meet at a cafe. French music is playing. Baguettes or hamburgers are served. They are still young afterall. And imagination is strained when the pressure builds. Palms sweaty. She can't help it. Her confidence drips slowly down to her feet, as each bead of condensation forms on her skin.

She wants him so badly. He looks the same. She prays, struggles, grapples--- Yearns for A to be the same A who kissed her like it was a movie. Who uttered the words, "you're perfect" at 12, who made her feel like she deserved it.