Oprah Vs. Angelina Jolie: Charity Snub or is that Satan's Tummy Growling?

What is this world coming to? When even Oprah starts overestimating Angelina Jolie's love of Africa, you know we've got some serious problems. And if that last sentence made your head explode, well, I can't really blame it (your head that is). Get it together, and let me explain.

It all started last week when the devil-whale incarnate extended Ms. Jolie a heartfelt invitation to join her on an excursion to Africa. In Africa, the duo was to cure AIDS, end hunger and generally make the world a sunnier place, metaphorically speaking. Oprah, who is also an architect by trade, had planned to build a children's school. However, Angelina Jolie said no. "What," you're saying. "My God, it can't be true." Sure, on the surface it seems like Angelina turning down a trip to Africa is about as likely as Harvey Walden III not raising his voice on Celebrity Fit Club. But let's stick to what we know (as Glenn Beck would say). Sadly, there is no way Oprah could ever build this school without Angelina Jolie. In fact, I don't feel that any structure should ever get built without Angelina Jolie; and a symbolic presence doesn't count. You can't build a new fountain outside of a hospital and say, "Angelina Jolie would love to be here and in a way she is. I can feel her spirit; it is ripe in the air." That shit doesn't fly. Who does Angelina Jolie think she is? She can't put her movie career on hold for one second to join Oprah in an emblematic showing of female unity against the plight of a completely disenfranchised content? Mr. and Mrs. Smith 2 couldn't wait? Bullshit.