9/11… 5 Years Later: Jetlag Democracy's State of the Union Address

Just like Bill O'Reilly, I'm going to use talking points (nicely bulleted) to make this "speech" to you: my loyal reader, the general public and, most importantly, my harshest critics (if any exist). This is it; this is Jetlag Democracy's "Smell of the Onion Address":

-State of the Union

Trying to gage the "state of the union" is kind of like Screech's attempts at screwing Lisa Turtle; it's futile as hell. I've always laughed at the idea of these speeches. How is some rich asshole that sleeps in a big, fortified white house going to have any idea what we're feeling? Bullshit malaise seeps into the air. I'll do my best with this article.

-9/11

This is what I hear whenever George Bush makes a speech (especially around election time): "9/11…blah, blah, blah…9/11, 9/11, 9/11…blah…9/11, 9/11…blah, blah…9/11…blah, blah, blah, blah…9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11…God Bless America." It makes me sick. We are 5 years removed from the worst tragedy in this country's history and our President still pisses on those victims' memory on a daily basis. Those shitty, faux-patriotic bumper stickers should actually read "9/11: We Will Never Move On".

-Donald Rumsfield Must Go

I feel weird saying this, especially because it's being used as a rallying cry for the Democrats (though some Republicans have backed this as well), but it's kind of hard not to agree with this. I don't care if you agree with the war or not, getting rid of Rummy has nothing to do with that. Nothing. The fact remains that someone needs to be held accountable for fucking up the war, and Mr. Rumsfield fits the bill. If a kindergartener knocked over a bunch of blocks, he/she couldn't just sit there and say, "Oh, I'm not picking those up. Yeah, sorry, that's not happening." No, that kid would be forced to clean up his mess or else. The problem with Rummy and all or leaders is that there's never an "or else." There are never any consequences. Plus, if he was a man he'd just resign, but he's obviously a repressed homosexual pussy (score on the unnecessary, random dig scale: 87).

-Made for TV 9/11 Movie