Abused Women: Why Do They Stay?

You are such a smart woman, why are you acting so stupid? That's what my mother and my friends said, countless times. Words I started to resent and tune out. I used to think this could never happen to me. In fact, I looked down in contempt onto these poor, misguided creatures. These women clearly had no idea what a good relationship was and probably did not know how to make a living for themselves and their children.

There is no collective right answer why a woman remains with a man who abuses her. Because she has temporarily taken leave of her senses and given over complete control of her life to her man? Because she was brought up in the catholic faith and does not believe in divorce? Because she bought into the sentiments of the country song "Stand by your Man"? Maybe. There are key factors present in any abusive relationship and you will find these key factors within my story. Fear, manipulation, money, all play a part.

For me it was not over yet. I could fix this, we had a chance and they all just did not know him like I did. He had a soft side, he was a poet, he loved me. If I could only find a way to reach him we would have the most amazing life together. You see when it was good, it was very good, just like in the old Tina Turner song. But the good times slowly waned and to this day I wonder what magical spell I was under. I was out of my league, I had become intrinsically involved with a master manipulator and psychopath.

I recognize myself in the guests on the Oprah show. I can gauge precisely where her studio guests are on the road to their emotional healing. I know if they have made the step toward recovery from the "obsession to somehow make it right" or if they are still struggling with the concept. The reasons for abuse are buried in our society and in our past. Here is my story and my opinion on why women stay in abusive relationships.