Sports Briefs: Fair Weather Fans

Brad: In the beginning there was nothing, and then God said let there be sport - and there was sport, and it was good. Then God said let there be rain - and there was rain, and it was good. Then God said let there be snow - and there was snow, and it was okay. Then God said let there be sleet - and there was sleet, and it was sorta okay.

Chris: Sorta okay? Don't make me wag my index finger at you. Snow and sleet get you out of school and me out of work sometimes. Cold weather gets a bad reputation, but you don't get cataracts while staring into a gray sky. Even an old man knows that.

Joe: You're one of those "Nancy boys," aren't you?

Brad: I once had the distinct pleasure of experiencing "all of the above" at a football game. I'm a sousaphone player in my marching band - y'know, those 60-pound gold things that make a noise that sounds like Joe after a trip to Country Kitchen Buffet?

Joe: Stay off the drugs, kid.

Brad: Let me tell you God leteth loose upon Paul Brown Stadium in Massillon, Ohio. First came the wind, and the 20-foot flag was nearly ripped from its pole. Second came the rain that soaked our cotton uniforms, as well as the Astroturf. Third came the snow, which wasn't so bad, except for the fact that it chilled us to our bones. But then, the sleet . . . BAM! My instrument froze tight, my lips were chapped, and it couldn't have been a worse day but for the fact that we won the game and took the victory bell home for the fourth straight year. Yeah, it would have been worth it if that had happened, but low and behold it did not. We lost the bell, lost our pride as seniors, and went home with our pokey bulldog tails between our chubby bulldog legs.

Ralphie: I didn't know they had sports in the ice age. Does your girlfriend know you like girl sports?

Chris: Not to imply that winter is the best season, but you can't exactly form frozen boogers in your nose during the summer. What could be more fun that picking and being able to produce your own ice cubes?