Getting Unlost

(For a young girl who is loosing her mind)

Maybe all we can do is write, but others near you do care too.

Life has been going up and down for me, for all of us.

I do Buddhism, yoga, running, breathing and I still feel like shit many times.

My family thinks I'm a loser. I have a non girlfriend/girlfriend that is really an ex non girlfriend girlfriend, but she loves her real boyfriend. Hey, many people would think guys are shallow not wanting a real relationship,, but i wanted one with her and i still am looking for a new love of my life. But I have to get my ass out of this sling first.

I don't know what it takes to get things back together. I taught Sunday school and did the church thing for about twenty years. I stopped because I saw how limited is a heaven of homophobic people who claim they have all the right answers.

Now I am living with some guys who are the very people I left behind in this men's shelter.

So you, like me have to play the game of life.

In the end, maybe this is all just a game of life that one can change the rules of the game to fit at the exact time they are living. Maybe bend the rules. I don't know. I don't claim to have all the answers.

but times do get better (as I try to connivance my own self.)

Only you can and only you should be the judge of your own life and let all others be damn (per say) who try to damn you. Sometimes to come back and to look life right back in the eyes even if you look in the mirror, is the correct thing to do.

If you can do that, then you must be doing the right thing.

I'm a very bad example and so this next bad example from the movie I just saw:

The Brave One with Jodie Foster.

She went to gun down and kill the guys in a gang who killed her boyfriend and that left her for dead. Along the way she killed a few other bad guys (damn but aren't women bad too?)

She always said that when she pulled the trigger of the gun her hands didn't shake.

Finally the cop (a GOOD COP! But that is Hollywood right? In our dreams about GOOD COPS but there are a lot of good cops). Finally, the good cop who had a clue it was her, stopped her from killing the last bad guy.

He had a plan to prove her innocent. But she had to shoot him to make his plan work.

She said, "Why is my hand shaking?"