Like Valerie Bertinelli, Many Victims of Infidelity Engage in Retaliatory Affairs

This week, Valerie Bertinelli revealed on the Oprah Winfrey Show, that she cheated on Van Halen during their marriage because he cheated on her.

Revenge cheating of this type is a common response, especially by female infidelity victims, when they learn of a cheating spouse's extramarital affair. Men often resort to domestic violence upon discovering an affair. But many women in this situation will resort to a retaliatory affair. Valerie Bertinelli says she began cheating five years into her marriage to Van Halen.

The desire for an infidelity victim to seek revenge may be a natural response, but it's not a healthy response, even though the victim may feel justified in acting this way.

Why Infidelity Victims Often Resort to Revenge Affairs

A revenge affair is the infidelity victim's way of evening the score. He or she may have a one-night stand with a total stranger and feel vindicated even if the spouse who cheated on them never finds out about the affair.

In other cases, the infidelity victim will go to great lengths to cheat with a person they know will cause great stress to their partner - a best friend, family member, or business rival of the cheating spouse. And they carefully orchestrate things to ensure that their spouse or partner finds out about the retaliatory affair.

In the infidelity victim's mind, he or she is putting the shoe on the other foot - teaching the cheating spouse a lesson - showing the cheater how it feels to be cheated on.

However, revenge cheating and retaliatory affairs rarely have the intended effect.

The Consequences of Revenge Cheating or Retaliatory Affairs

Instead of solving the problem, a retaliatory affair can actually make the situation worse. In fact, it can often have the opposite effect. The spouse or partner who cheated first may use their partner's revenge affair as an excuse to continue cheating on their mate, or as justification for having other affairs.