The Road to Miami

The Family Outing is Really Out There

Yes, vacations sure sound great. In theory. Bucking the trend we decided on a wonderful trip south, but this year we would be bypassing to the happiest Multimedia Corporation on earth. Since we wanted to avoid the whole shoe search and maintain our ability to carrying nail clippers on our person, we decided to drive. This was not a rash decision. Though the rash would develop later.

We loaded up the car with what the family would need for a whole week of fun in the sun. Surprisingly, it seems one needs quite a bit to have fun in the sun. I thought we were a bit over packed. After all, we would have a washing machine in our room. Whereupon my wife reminded me, "What? I'm not on vacation, too?" So we loaded up the rest of the clothes from the attic.

As we pulled away, my wife decided to ask, "You checked the car, right?" And I had. Not me, personally, since I don't know a crankcase from a bookcase. So I had our mechanic look at it. He gave us a clean bill of health. Now, if I hadn’t had the car checked, I don’t know what I would do about it as we pulled out of the driveway.

"The car's fine," I reply.

"He checked the belts?"

"Yes."

"The fluids?"

"Yes."

"The wipers, the air conditioning, the brakes?"

"I'm not sure about the brakes."

"What if the brakes fail?"

"We'll get to Florida faster."

And so with a mighty "hooray" from the kids, we headed to Florida.

"I can't wait to get to Florida," my oldest said. "I love Space Mountain."

"We're not going to Space Mountain," I corrected.

"Where are we going?" the children asked.

"Miami."

"Miami? Where's Miami? Is that in Adventureland?"

"It's the city. South of Orlando," in my best OnStar voice.

"There are cities south of Orlando?"

"There's half the state below Orlando."

"Who knew?" stated my oldest.

I always thought they should have. I blame the schools. It sure makes you wonder what they're doing with all that lottery money. Anyway, after a few choruses of "Are we there yet?" I challenged the offspring to count license plates. Immediately they began spotting license plates from New York, New York and New York. I then suggested they wait for us to leave New York first.