El Nino Returns: What to Expect when You're Expecting El Nino

So El Nino's coming back…That's Spanish for "The Nino", in case you were wondering. I don't know what to think about this. I really wasn't too keen on the old Nino in the first place. But this return is like the announcement of Rocky VI, it's not that surprising but it's totally unwelcome.

Recently, I became pregnant for the first time. (NOTE: Since I'm a man, you're probably wondering how this happened. All I have to say is: ‘Junior' was real, man. ‘Junior' was real.) Nah, I'm just playing. That's impossible, but I did get my bitch knocked up and we've been reading this really awesome book called "What to Expect When You're Expecting", so I kind of feel like I am pregnant (plus, I've been putting on a lot of weight recently). Anyway, this Heidi Murkoff lady was on to something. And reading this book got the old wheels turning upstairs… I got an idea.

What if I were to tell you that I've combined my two all-time favorite topics, pregnancy and the weather, into one terrific associatedcontent.com article that was loosely modeled after Heidi Murkoff's best-selling book, ‘What to Expect When You're Expecting'? Would that be something you'd be interested? (Is the ‘Entourage' reference played out yet or is it still funny?) So, here it is America, Jetlag America's ‘What to Expect When You're Expecting El Nino…'

-Lots of rain. This might seem self-explanatory, but there are a lot of stupid people out there (The Army Corps of Engineers not included). Here's what you have to do to prepare for this massive onslaught of rain though. Find all your pots and pans to collect the acid rain that will inevitably squeak through the holes in your roof. (What, you say your roof has no holes. Ha, just wait. This is El Nino we're talking about man.) Fill up your water guns (preferably the Super Soaker CPS 4100) and get ready to fend off the zombie-terrorists/looters that are bound to surface in the wake of this national disaster.