10 Family Friendly Jokes That'll Make You Laugh

1. A man when to a psychiatrist.

“You have to help me, I keep thinking I'm a dog!”






“Hmm...okay, why don't you come here and lay down on the couch and tell me about it.”






“No, I can't, I'm not allowed on furniture!”












2. A ship captain had never learnt how to swim.

Amazed at that, a young man asked him “Is it true that you as a captain don't know how to swim?”

The captain replied “Yeah, but what's strange about that? Can a pilot fly?”






3. A man stopped by to watch a local Little League baseball game at a park. He asked one of the boys from behind the base-line about the score.

The kid cheerfully replied “we're behind 18 to nothing.”

The man asked “Well, you don't look very discouraged, do you?”

The kid replied in confusion “Why should we be? We haven't been up to bat yet!”






What doctor's mean when they say:






4. “I'd recommend this new prescribed drug.”

What he means - “I'm in the process of writing a new paper, and you will be my guinea pig.”






5. “I have 2 things for you – a good news and a bad news.”

What he means - “The good news is – I'm going to buy a new BMW, the bad news is you'll be paying for it.”






6. “Let's wait and see how it develops.”

What he means - “Let's wait and hope that it will grow into something curable.”






7. “Let me look through your medical history”

What he means - “Let me see if you paid you last dues on time before I try to treat you.”






8. “That's a rather nasty looking wound.”

What he means - “I'm about to throw up!”






9. Recently, a Sacramento based software company came out with their own version of speech recognition software. At the demonstration, the representative asked the people to quiet down and turned on the system. Somebody at the end of the room shouted “Format C:, Return.”, another person added “Yes, Return”. Unfortunately, the software worked.






10. An artist had his paintings on display. He asked his manager if there had been any interest in his artwork.