Coping with a Parent's Infidelity

How does a family remain a family when one parent cheats on the other and eventually leaves? Making it worse is the parent that decides to stay with the outsider and hopes you'll eventually accept it. There are many victims when one parent strays: the jilted parent, the children, and even the children's children.

As a child or teen that lives at home there's not much you can do. Some jilted parents refuse to allow the other parent to see the kids until courts and judges are called upon to assign visitation. In some cases the child is old enough to choose whether or not he would like to visit the new couple regularly. Sometimes rules are put into place, in the home, forbidding anyone to mention the cheating parent's name, leaving the child feeling abandoned and alone.

In more extreme cases the parent that has left chooses to ask for custody of the kids in a court of law. When this is granted the jilted parent is likely to be completely and utterly devastated. Having lost his or her entire family, a feeling of hopelessness and despair can begin to rule. Bitterness and hatred often become the norm, making it difficult to move on to a new love or seek a better life.

As an adult child of a parent who has strayed you have a few more options than younger children when it comes to dealing with the matter. It's not mandatory that you accept the step-mom or step-dad, nor do you have to forgive and forget. You don't have to see your parent with his or her new love and you don't have to continue a relationship with them.

When this painful situation happens the child, even as an adult, usually sides with the jilted parent making it difficult, if not impossible, for the one who has cheated to remain part of the family. Watching the wounded parent grieve is only part of the pain. Broken trusts, loneliness, anger and hatred are other emotions with which to contend.

Forgiveness isn't possible for some, but without it, anger and hatred can go on for many years. And if you have kids they must endure the pain as well, particularly if they were close to their Grandpa or Grandma who has now moved.